Just stumbled across one of the most interesting press releases I've seen in a while. I'm sure they meant to elicit the response they got from me to gain attention, as most press releases fall through the cracks, harvesting little to no emotional response. But Apple, you've done it again. Being in the press business this all at once disgusted and intrigued me. I guess I’m just angry, having had written many press releases and knowing the sales language necessary to market a product, that Apple can get away with calling the iPad “magical” 3 times in one release. Magical? Really?
So I am posing an open letter to Apple, if only for my own state of mind.
Dear Apple,
First and foremost, I’d like to thank you for everything and all you do. Without your company I wouldn’t have my cute little pink iPod, which gets me through tiring days at the office and grueling workouts at the gym. You pump so much beautiful music through my tiny ears, 4GB at a time, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I do, however, have some gripes with the iTunes system, but you’ve crafted a genius system of non-file sharing and pro-Apple loyalty, which I can only consider a work of genius.
As for your other devices: The iMac. Intricate, complex, and in short, a great operating system. It really makes life at work easier when the Mac’s processing capacity can’t handle larger Photoshop and InDesign files at work. We love to stay late into the night, restarting the computer and recovering lost documents. Clients get angry, but hey, Apple, you get your paycheck.
The iPhone. Little piece of work you are. Apple, I’d like to thank you for inventing the iPhone. Not only do I get to lose my friends and family to their phones in social situations where engaging conversation is much preferred, but I also get to watch as they flick open their digital Zippo, and we are all endlessly fixated on the flame’s dance.
And the iPad. Oh iPad. Where would we be without you? Probably on our laptops. But you made sure we wouldn’t be with your “magical” device. Magical. A description more fit for Disneyworld than a cutting-edge piece of technology, the iPad is living up to its description one purchase at a time. Three million idiots, erm, people have bought into an expensive piece of crap that is sure to see five more versions. Well done, Apple. You have again duped people worldwide into believing that your devices are not only magical, but they are the second coming.
Oh and your press team disgusts me. Never use the same descriptor word three times in one release. Knock them upside the head with a thesaurus. Nobody questioned why your press team described a piece of scrap metal that can process crossword puzzles magical? Well, I am. My mom works 12-hour shifts 5 days a week just so she can listen to a shitty transistor radio on her day off in the backyard. Now that’s pretty fucking magical.
http://www.apple.com/pr/library/2010/06/22ipad.html
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