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Wow moment of the day.

Eryka Badu's music video

Click above to watch.

This video suprisingly moved me. I thought it was tasteful and well-done. I like that there are still artists that put themselves on the line for the sake of their art. I'm tired of people using computers to alter their voices, surgery to alter their bodies. Although I'm not black and I don't suffer from the plight they often suffer, I think Eryka Badu's message here is beyond being a black woman in society. I think it's about any thing we consider different and scrutinize. Even though it may be different to you, it's beautiful in its own way. Someone horrible commented on this video saying that she gained a ton of weight and got fat and should keep her clothes on. Someone said she did this in a shoot in Texas near where Kennedy was shot in full view of real passer-bys and children, and those parents should sue the shit out of her. I hope when I grow up my heart doesn't die. I think I'll always respect art that's tastfully done. It's not like she was shaking booty on a tricked out car, poppin' champaign on herself. I hope I can teach my children the value of the arts and the value of having an open mind to others' expression, rather than teaching them to be afraid of everything, especially of what's different.

Take a look if you're interested.

25 Things I want to do before I turn 25

1. Quit smoking
2. Purchase a new car
3. Have a steady, full-time job
4. Fall in love
5. Finally lose that extra weight
6. Feel confident being self-sufficient
7. Quit worrying about money so much
8. Become a better listener
9. Entertain at home more
10. Learn to cook a few signature dishes
11. Take care of my appearence better
12. Go on at least 3 or 4 vacations
13. Quit dreading and start embracing a career
14. Find out what I'm really good at
15. Move out
16. Develop my own grown-up persona
17. Make new friends, grow closer with current ones
18. Visit my sister in Vermont
19. Give up on trying to get a tan
20. Buy a vinyl record player
21. Quit feeling bad about things I figuratively and literally lack
22. Develop as a writer
23. Spend more time in the city
24. Learn as much as I can about my family and relatives
25. Ask lots of questions..learn, learn, learn

Hard, Harder, Hardest

Times have been tough lately. But I feel myself starting to really deal with my feelings. I feel myself healing, and that's important. Sometimes I catch myself feeling really angsty and aggitated, pissed off or sad. But those emotions come and go much quicker than before and I can move on with my day. I just can't wait til those feelings become a memory rather than raw emotion. I'm tired of letting those feelings take over precious moments in my day. I can't wait til they wear off for good and I can find peace in my heart over what has happened to me.

I feel like things have been hard for a lot of people lately. Stress, heartache, just getting by. But I'm staying hopeful that things will pick up and we could all be happy again. Life is a strange ebb and flow that I don't understand. I just wanna be in a different position right now, and I know a lot of people who do. I wonder though, if once we achieve that position, we will feel any better, or if we will long for other times? It's a strange thing to wonder.

I hope work goes well next week. I'm nervous because Mark, the head copywriter is going to be on vacation all week, so I have to step up my game. Everyone will be helping me, of course, but I want to prove myself this week that I could be responsible and a team player and step up when need be.

Last night I got to thinking about family and growing up. I was driving around with my friends, just talking and we always talk about the funiest stuff. We talk about things we did when we were little, things about our family, our favorite movies and songs. When I got home I just stood upstairs and listened to my mom and dad. They were just watching a concert on t.v. talking about their days. They didn't hear me come in. I just listened to what they talked about and listened to the concert as well. I felt so happy to have them as my parents. They really do enjoy each other's company, no matter how many fights they get into. I guess lately I've just been longing for companionship, and it's nice to see it around you, even if you don't have it. I know it will come. Right now is not the time though, and I've slowly been accepting that.

I just want to thank my friends and family for how much they love me. I would not be able to do anything without them. They have been so supportive and such great company. <3

And so

Today I went to the mall, as I sometimes do on my lunch break, and I bought 2 green shirts for the St. Patrick’s Oak Forest day-long celebration on Saturday (can’t wait, by the way!). After that, I went to the food court, hung my bag on my chair and ate. I left the mall after my hour break only to realize I had left my bag there, so I ran back as quick as I could. Luckily my bag was still hanging on the chair where I left it. But what startled me more is that the same couple I had seen earlier was still there enjoying their meal together. I noticed them when I was first in the food court, eating their Steak and Potato Co. sandwiches, and I thought it was endearing how the husband carried her food, gave it to her, etc. Once I left the mall and returned back to my own life, they were forgotten. A one-time memory, probably insignificant, etched in mind, then forgotten about. And when I saw them again, I almost forgot that they had even existed.

Is this what happens to people when they are no longer in your life? Out of sight, out of mind? I guess it depends on how important that person is to you. Surely I forgot this couple quickly…I hadn’t met them, spoken to them, learned of their hopes, dreams, listened to their life accomplishments, heard their stories of travel, learned their grandchildren’s names. But how do you forget about someone who has left a profound, long-lasting, recurring imprint on you? How do you forget them? You cannot will yourself to forget. You’ll never forget. They’re memory will linger with you as long as you live. Time may make it easier to live with that memory, but it will always be with you. In time you’ll forget raw emotion and simply remember a ghostly version of that person. Sometimes I wish life was quicker, time passed faster, things were resolved sooner. It’s hard to carry around the weight of the unfinished.

An elusive second chance

I often enjoy listening to music and picturing the song as the backdrop of a scene in a movie of my life. Now playing: "The Way you Look Tonight" by John Coltrane, featuring Thelonius Monk. I picture myself on Michigan Avenue, wintertime, browsing the Christmas-themed windows of what used to be Marshall Fields. I hope it's not Christmas Story themed again this year. Or I see myself as Michelle Pfeifer in One Fine Day, running around with kids, flirting with a whimsical, younger George Clooney. Life's good, it's fun. I'm running late, there's a shortage of taxis, but damn it, in this moment, I'm Michelle Pfeifer, and life in the Big Apple's jazzy.