Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

What an emotional past few days I have had! Yesterday was my going away party. It was truly something to behold. All of my closest friends came to send me off and I was just overjoyed! It was a fantastic night of food, drinks, laughs and fun. It's really what life is all about. The Katies made a beautiful photo montage and played it for everyone at the party....It brought me to tears! It was so nice! Everyone had a great time, including myself. I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for being there for me and being a great friend.

When I was contemplating whether or not to move away, I struggled with a lot of emotions, many of them dealing with leaving loved ones. I love my parents, family and friends so much. They literally define my existence. I cried for a couple of days in August when I decided to actually go through with the move. I had been okay since, mostly busy planning the move and studying for the GRE. But after last night, today was an emotional roller coaster for me. I cried the better part of the day, thinking about how much I love everyone and how special they are to me. I felt very sad to be leaving such a great and caring group of people behind. I'm a very sensitive person and often nostalgic and reflective. Coming down from the wonderful high of yesterday made me miserable! I guess you can say the party was THAT much fun!

To be honest, moving and going through the motions is much easier said than done.  A few posts ago I outlined the reasons for my adventure and I firmly stick by it. But at the same time, today I was gripped with the harsh realities of leaving my home and everything/everyone so familiar to me. It's tough man. I know this is a life lesson that I have to face with courage and I know whatever the results are, they are nothing but positive. Sometimes doing the hardest thing is the right thing, and that struggle is something I'm going to have to reconcile in the months to come.

I just want to thank everyone again for the party and the company last night. I hope everyone had as much fun as I did. Know that you are all truly loved by me and I will miss you all very very deeply. I won't be gone forever!  We also better all keep in touch and I want to see some people come and visit because that would be just awesome!

<3

Roadtrippin' to Jilladelphia

Many thanks are in order to Erica. I told her I needed a mix CD for my drive next week out to Philadelphia for my move. Not only did she come through, but she gave me 11, count them, 11 CDs! We're talking a full-fledged, comprehensive almost 13 hour-long roadtrip mix! Included are anyone/thing from Brand New, Kansas, Copeland, The New Radicals, The Doors, Snoop Dogg, Gin Blossoms, Coheed, Pavement, The Lonely Island, Tokyo Police Club, Blind Mellon...I mean the list goes on and on!

I need to take these 11 CDs and rip them onto my ipod ASAP for the ride. It should get me into Philly with about an hour to spare. Thanks guys !!!!

No Title

It's hard for me to come up with a title for this post, because a lot of what's going on can't accurately describe the vast emotions I'm feeling. For everything that's going on, for what has come to be and will be, and for the adventure I'm about to embark on, I can only say that I'm just getting started. And to put a title on something so nascent and burgeoning seems a little premature.

I've been waiting to inform my bosses, friends and family before posting anything too suggestive online, but it's true...I'm leaving. Moving. Putting this town in my rear-view. I'm uprooting and moving half-way across the country. This certainly isn't anything ghastly or unheard of, but for somebody like me, this is a big deal.

My decision has been born out of a number of circumstances this past year. To put it lightly, it's been a tough year. I hate to sound like a crybaby, as I know there are people on Earth suffering from genocide, war, intolerance, injustice, hate, starvation and the like, but these are my opinions, and I'm entitled to them.

Growing up in this dwindling economic culture is squandering my ability to accurately foresee where I will be when people ask that age old question, "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" Not that I ever found much pertinence in a question like that to begin with, coming from the school of believers where the answer to the question "If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" is a firm "No." Times have been economically tough and young people our age are being as pliant as they can in such a debilitating environment. It's hard for us to land a job, let alone one with salary and benefits. If you do, good for you, but the rest of us are stuck working hourly jobs, or worse, our high school jobs.

No disrespect to my current job. I recently read The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, and he offered an interesting perspective on young people and their drive to succeed. He constantly reiterated the point that no job is above you. So, folks, as you toil away at your minimum-wage paying job in your 20s, just remember, you're lucky to even have one. Sarcasm aside, the scary part is that it's true. Speaking with a friend, he said we are living through the worst economic times since the depression, and our parents and even grandparents can't begin to fathom, let alone appreciate the world we live in. We are a walking dichotomy: We were sent to college, spent tens of thousands of dollars in order for us to be savant enough to land a good paying job. Instead we are left in a tremendous amount of debt, competing for hourly jobs and fighting over the last chicken bone at dinner (if we can even afford to go out to eat). Our parent's can't understand why we aren't succeeding, but can merely sit backseat, make presumptions, accusations and comments while force-feeding life's lessons down our throats as we live in their basements. They aren't happy about it, but they are doing what these economic times deem necessary.

We aren't crybabies or whiners. Everyone should take a moment and give themselves a pat on the back for making it through an increasingly depressed, depraved and destitute time. We now live in a time where a front-page spread of a homicide in our own backyard elicits the response of a head shake and the phrase, "This is how people get when they're not working." We should all take a moment and appreciate our circumstances, whether they be the most desirable or not. Although this rant seems to be horribly depressing, it's really meant to get whoever reads this to look around at your circumstances and try not to feel bad right now. We truly are doing the best we can.

That being big reason number one this year has fallen short of "happy" for a lot of people, reason number two is closely associated with it. I worked my first job out of college, and it turned out to be something completely different than what I expected. Office life in general is hard to come to terms with, but pair that with being strung along and milked for all your worth and you can now understand a fraction of what the job force feels like these days. It was a long and experience. It made memorizing GRE vocabulary words for 8 hours look like a walk in the park. Working my internship made me think everyday, "If this is the real-world, I want nothing of it." Is that wrong? Absolutely not. I struggled for quite a while, trying to suck it up, forcing myself onto a career I:
A. Didn't want
B. Lied to myself about, believing all the injustices were personal

Let's be honest. Most people with my degree or any grammar skills could have done my job. I tricked myself into believing I was one of the lucky, the few and the proud, fortuitous enough to stumble upon full-time employment after graduation. The insight I had lacked, however, was the fact that NOBODY owed me a living. No one, not even my current employer. I had to work for it. And I had to work hard. Near the end I learned that lesson. I learned that hard work spawns recognition in the workplace. I also swallowed the jagged little pill that recognition in this day in age doesn't even mean a raise or benefits. Outfitted with this knowledge and a seemingly keen sense of direction, I left that job. Needless to say, it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Another reason why this year straight up sucked is because I was still recovering from heartbreak. It's all the usual crap here: Unfair, stupid, banal. I'd bore you with the details, but opening that can of worms this late in the game is futile. But rest assured, a lot of my year sucked, and some days continue to suck (not nearly as bad as they used to) because of one person.

So for all of these reasons and a few more, I decided to leave. I am turning my nose up to the shitty hand I was dealt here in hopes for new surroundings, new people and new experiences. I am young enough, smart enough and agile enough to hack it on my own and I know it. I have some money in the bank, and hell, I'm going to stimulate the economy by using it. I have no kids, no husband, no boyfriend, career, house, or basically any assets to speak of. I am a young person fueled by my ambitions, and that should be reason enough for anyone who responds "Why?" to "I'm moving."

I feel a little bit like a punk with no direction, pompous and inflated in all that I'm saying and projecting for myself. And maybe I am. I am a pretty humble person, but I call bullshit when I see it, and lately there has been so much of it circling around, I just want to get away from it. Maybe it's the economy (Me: "Ryland, is money what the proverbial "IT"'s all about? Ryland: "Yes."), maybe it's the weather, but for whatever reason it is, my decision is made, planned and nearly executed without any major snafus. My time has come and I'm going to take it, dammit! So don't act sorry or sad for me for spending my money, abandoning all I've known and potentially failing. I've thought all this through for many days and hours, and I decided the risk is worth it.

Without further ado, I am moving to Philadelphia. It's in a great location for me to do a bit of traveling. I'd love to go back and spend some time in New York and see how I like it. I've been dying to visit Boston, have yet to see my sister Bree in Vermont, and would like to spend some quality time in D.C. I am itching to discover the east coast, its mentality and ebb and flow. I want to see Cape Cod. I want to go to Maine and see what inspired Steven King. I want to visit Le Halles restaurant in NYC, the renowned restaurant of travel guru, writer, and my personal hero, Anthony Bourdain. And, I want to concentrate on living on my own, paying for my own way, seeing the great city of Philly and enjoying the art and live music scene, and basically stretching my legs in a new area. I'm nervous, scared and excited.

The adventure starts October 20th.

Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off--then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.

         -Herman Melville, Moby Dick

 

What's to come

They say you're not a real writer until you're out in public and someone sees you actively writing. I think the same concept applies to everything I'm experiencing right now. All my would-be plans, dreams and aspirations are foggy, but the mist is lifting and things are starting to sort themselves out. Things won't be real until I start taking active, aggressive action, and that's what I'm doing. It's all happening.

Stay tuned for a full, fleshed out post in the next week or so.

GRE Writing Samples

The following are just practice writing samples for the analytical writing portion of the GRE, which I'm taking Oct. 13th. The first one was written in response to the following statement in a timed 45 minute session:

" 'Moderation in all things' is ill-considered advice. Rather, one should say, 'Moderation in most things,' since many areas of human concern require or at least profit from intense focus."

Moderation is a concept human beings strive to maintain their entire lives- whether it be in their personal or professional lives. Although specialization for purposes of a career requires intense focus and dedication, it is unrealistic to assume one does not deserve, albeit require a life filled with a reasonable balance of work and play.

The statement asserts that people who are wealthy or learned operate with a sense of abandon for anything other than their exclusive focus. For example, a doctor spends many years in school, preparing for a job that will inevitably become a lifestyle. The undertaking of such a career is certainly a life-long dedication filled with numerous years of schooling and training, usually resulting in a gargantuan amount of debt. The lifestyle of a doctor is not for the faint of heart: long, odd hours coupled with the knowledge that their work may either save or cost a life is a burden only a small percentage of people are capable of handling. Personal sacrifice is commonplace for a doctor. However, is it reasonable to assume, with such a demanding career, that doctors have not taken a vacation, called in sick for a mental health day or stepped out for a breath of fresh air? Though their everyday life is demanding (and they are compensated handsomely), a doctor cannot begin to motivate his/herself for his/her life work without recharging their own batteries once in a while with interests outside of their job.

People who suffer from substance abuse are prime examples of how easily one can get addicted to something that in moderation might otherwise be okay. Those who drink alcohol socially, not to get drunk, drink the substance in moderation. They find drinking an activity they enjoy in order to bond with friends and family at events and parties. An alcoholic, on the other hand, is either psychologically or after many years of abuse, physiologically unable to live independently from alcohol. Although alcoholics often admit to having a problem and may spend many years trying to recover, relapse is unfortunately a part of “recovery.” Instant gratification by means of self-justifying their alcoholism with a philosophy like the proposed statement would intensify their problem to the point of possible lethality. The argument that moderation in most things is required for focus and profit is a virtue by which to live is inherently flawed. Intent focus on habits that are harmful in excess does not yield success or profit, but rather decay and obliteration.

Moderation is all things is certainly a great piece of advice. While many people seem to have trouble maintaining a healthy balance between all of their obligations (where stress is born and runs rampant), it does not mean moderation is not worth striving for, and certainly does not mean that the goals of focus and profit supersede somebody's personal needs of fulfillment for a happy, balanced and healthy life.  

The following was written to examine the effectiveness of the following argument in a timed 30 minute session:

The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.

"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."

I believe the author of this article makes a compelling case supporting retirement in the Clearview community, but lacks in a few major areas. As a subscriber to AARP Magazine, I could testify that the top issues facing seniors looking to relocate for retirement are the ones mentioned in the excerpt: location, cost, value, community/public services and healthcare availability.

The location, a main factor seniors consider when retiring, is described in appealing terms. Clearview has a consistent climate and much natural beauty. Had the the information provided stated that Clearview was once the site of a toxic waste facility, smells awful and has a problem with inner-city crime, one would hardly expect seniors to jump at the opportunity to spend their golden years there. Consistent climate aside, some seniors may prefer a four-season climate like they were accustomed to their entire lives, so the weather does not necessarily translate to a selling point.

Housing costs, undoubtedly the most significant factor to consider when choosing a place to retire, are described reasonably. Most seniors must live off of a pension, social security or savings. Maintaining a a budget while trying to live comfortably may prove troublesome to some retirees. The point that housing costs are down and taxes are low are a major benefit. Retirees may wonder, though, why are taxes low and housing costs down? Is there something wrong with the area, or is the area afflicted by crime or poverty? More information is needed here.

Based on the mayor's activities, seniors certainly will not perceive the city as a place to “go to die,” but rather, a city to become actively involved in the community. The mayor's projected plans for the schools, streets and other general public services may please retirees looking for community solidarity.

There is a bit of an overstatement in the assertion that since there are many physicians in the area, healthcare will be exceptional. Seniors cannot be fooled by such a grandiose statement and must do their homework. Will such healthcare facilities accept their Medicare or other health insurance providers? If said senior has a special or unusual ailment, are there physicians nearby that specialize in their ailment and are a compatible fit with their insurance? And do many doctors in one area necessarily mean that the caliber of healthcare is excellent? These are all considerations worth examining, especially in one's later years when a senior's general well-being should be monitored more closely and thoroughly by able doctors.

If this argument appeared in a magazine spread showcasing 10 Great Cities to Retire, accompanied by a 100-word description of the city, a senior may find this description appealing to the point where this location is worthy of further investigation. However, if one is seriously looking to relocate to Clearview, more information than what was given is necessary to make a sound decision. This argument is compelling, but lacks a few pertinent aspects required for one to be completely won over by it.  

It'll cost ya

2 bedroom apartment, $625/mo

In Phildelphia, PA

2 bedroom apartment, $675/mo


In Chicago, IL

'Nuff said.

Hey! Vote for me!

Click here to read and vote for my essay!!!

Anthony Bourdain's Medium Raw Challenge

Vacation's all I ever wanted...

Hey there blog. It seems that I've neglected you for the better part of the month. Let's change that.

I've almost been off work a month, and it has been probably the most interesting month in my life. At first I regretted scheduling two vacations in a 30 day span, but in hindsight, I'm glad I did. Traveling is not only good for you in more ways than one, but it's completely tiring. Now that I have the travel bug out of my system for the time being, I can start to focus on what I promised myself I would a month ago.

Melissa, Me and Colleen in Key Largo

Vacation was a blast. I went to visit Colleen in St. Petersburg Florida. It was so great to spend much-needed time with a best friend. Life in Florida is so chill. We did a lot of cool stuff including the Dali museum, Ft. Desoto, Treasure Island and a booze cruise on the Bay in Gulfport. Interestingly enough, I was able to extend my trip to a week with not only no charge, but I received credit from the airline company (because I chose to fly out of a different airport). Seizing the opportunity, the day after the Fourth of July, Colleen, Ryland and I packed up and headed for the Florida Keys to visit my sister. What I saw there was unreal. It's definitely the island life down there. We spent a lot of time with Melissa as she acted as our tour guide for our mostly impromptu, last minute trip. We went snorkeling in the coral reefs on a tour boat. Lucky for us, Melissa is a marine biologist, so not only were the sights beautiful, but we actually knew that we were looking at a school of baby barracuda and knew that we were experiencing a rare sight - an almost completely intact brain coral. It was amazing. The fun didn't stop there. We traveled down to Key West the next day. Melissa joked that she gave us the Keys experience on crack. We managed to fit in a shitload of stuff in two days. It's hard to imagine, being in Key Largo, that you can actually travel another 100 miles south, but you can. A beautiful drive down a two lane highway flanked by the Gulf and the Atlantic later, we arrived at the southernmost point of the continental U.S. Mostly a vacation destination for cruise liners, Key West is the tropical version of Las Vegas. Drinking on the streets is permitted and encouraged, and there are enough tourist traps to keep you busy for at least a week. We did some shopping, went to the spectacle of the Sunset Celebration, did a little drinking, and headed back to Key Largo. Overall, the trip was very nice. I want to thank Colleen and Ryland for their hospitality and great company, and also for agreeing that an expensive five hour drive south was worth its weight. I was very sad to leave Florida, my two best friends, and Ryland's hilarious demeanor. I cried for a while on the way home, contemplating my sister and my best friend, and all the great memories we had made together.

I took a short intermission of vacations when I got home. I was mostly caught up in the whirlwind of getting ready to send my family off to Cancun. Getting a family of 6 into a foreign country ain't easy. They finally departed, leaving me with a couple days to myself. Mostly relaxing, I spent this time doing last minute preparations for my Las Vegas trip. I got to spend time with Rachel, another best friend from NYC. We went downtown to Navy Pier, rode the Seadog, and shopped on Michigan Avenue. Nothing could have topped off the night better than a meal at The Cheesecake Factory, a tradition I like to maintain every year.

Vegas girls at Fat Tuesday's with our 1/2 yard drinks

Vacation in Las Vegas was another story entirely. It was an incredible experience, but left me exhausted...and for good reason, because I had so much effing fun! I've never been on vacation with a group of girlfriends before, especially in a city where sin is the mainstay...so needless to say, we brought that city to its knees. Thanks to Mello for coordinating almost the entire trip, we stayed in a really nice upgraded room at Caesar's Palace. And thanks to our 8 vags, we were begged left and right to come to x y and z club. We explored the strip, ate our hearts out the buffets, fit in the piano bar at Paris, got loaded at the amazing Garden of the Gods pool area, Katie C won $100 for nothing, we spent our last pennies at the cheapest, funnest dirty casino on the strip, stumbled home to watch sunrise, went to the Beatles Revolution Lounge, partied atop the 55th floor of the Palms and more. Words can't describe how much this experience meant to me. It was great that all of us best friends could go somewhere and experience all these fun times together. Happiness is only real when shared, and me and my best girlfriends shared some of the finest moments of my life. So thank you ladies for a hopefully not once-in-a-lifetime trip. I hope we can go every year! Let's start planning ASAP!

So now I'm home and I think I have had a significant amount of time to debrief (a week) before starting up work again. I know these chances in life are few and far between, and all my hard work has definitely paid off. There have been moments, plenty of them actually, when I have felt guilty for taking this month off to blow some of my hard-earned money, but then I realized that now is the time to do it. I shouldn't feel guilty to treating myself to some good times after skipping out of vacations for almost 5 years. It was my time, and I took it and I spent it wisely.

That being said, however, downtime has seemed to get the best of me. It's hard for me not to be on a work schedule, and harder still to prevent myself from cringing while withdrawing money from my savings account to pay bills. Luckily, I start back to work on Sunday.I can't say I'm thrilled to waitress again, but I think it's good for me to do in the meantime until I develop a solid plan of action.

My goals are, as I outlined, to go back to graduate school next fall. I will be studying for the GRE (have started a bit already) and working to save up money for my next move. It all sounds like fun and games, but I promise you, it isn't. This month has been rewarding and disheartening at the same time. I have to live confidently and believe that my next moves in life will help me break free from the demons of my past and allow me to develop into a happy young woman down the road.

Another day, not another dollar.

For those of you that follow this blog, probably few and far between, I have made a pretty big decision that I’ve been sitting on for a while that I decided to follow through on.

(The photo is me working for the man, unhappy, making next to nothing)

Yesterday, June 28^th, I quit my job at Esrock Partners, the advertising agency I’ve been working at as a copywriter for the last six months. My last day will be tomorrow, Wednesday the 30th.

I’ve done this for several reasons, and after a lot of internal conflict and debating, I feel like I made the right decision.

I’ve been toying with the idea of graduate school. And now my decision has come full-circle. I am going after my dream of studying English literature and earning a Master’s. I haven’t completely ruled out earning a Ph.D either. It just depends on where my career goals take me once I am studying.

I will be spending my time studying relentlessly for the GRE and working part-time to pay bills and for spending money.

I was unhappy for sometime at my job for a multitude of reasons. Mostly, I felt like a caged bird. I went to school for English, and I spent 8 hours a day, maybe more proofreading charts with 6-point font. It’s all business, and I’m too mystic and eccentric to be a businesswoman. I’d rather spent my day analyzing and contemplating life’s obscurities or learning more about composition and the structure of the English language.

Advertising, especially the kind I did was a complete botching of everything beautiful about language. We took it and manipulated for the sake of sales. “Creative” meant using terms like “increases your bottom line,” “produces higher yield” and “serves your everyday budget needs.” Somehow this was construed as creative. I felt the conflict from the beginning, fought the fight, learned the terms and excelled. But at the end of the day, I know it’s just more uptight businessmen, paying me below the poverty line so that sales would flourish for someone, somewhere who’d I’d never meet or care to meet.

I’m glad I made my decision. I will be going to Florida on Thursday to visit my friend Colleen and get my head on straight. I was originally going for a weekend, but on a whim, extended it to a week. I’ll be able to spend much-needed time with a best friend, relax, vacation, and spend some of my hard-earned money. Life will be good.

When I get back, I’ll sort things out and start following my dreams. My real dreams. Not fabricated contrived ones. And I couldn’t be happier. 

Apple Sells Three Million iPads in 80 days

Just stumbled across one of the most interesting press releases I've seen in a while. I'm sure they meant to elicit the response they got from me to gain attention, as most press releases fall through the cracks, harvesting little to no emotional response. But Apple, you've done it again. Being in the press business this all at once disgusted and intrigued me. I guess I’m just angry, having had written many press releases and knowing the sales language necessary to market a product, that Apple can get away with calling the iPad “magical” 3 times in one release. Magical? Really?

So I am posing an open letter to Apple, if only for my own state of mind.

Dear Apple,

First and foremost, I’d like to thank you for everything and all you do. Without your company I wouldn’t have my cute little pink iPod, which gets me through tiring days at the office and grueling workouts at the gym. You pump so much beautiful music through my tiny ears, 4GB at a time, and for that I’m eternally grateful. I do, however, have some gripes with the iTunes system, but you’ve crafted a genius system of non-file sharing and pro-Apple loyalty, which I can only consider a work of genius.

As for your other devices: The iMac. Intricate, complex, and in short, a great operating system. It really makes life at work easier when the Mac’s processing capacity can’t handle larger Photoshop and InDesign files at work. We love to stay late into the night, restarting the computer and recovering lost documents. Clients get angry, but hey, Apple, you get your paycheck.

The iPhone. Little piece of work you are. Apple, I’d like to thank you for inventing the iPhone. Not only do I get to lose my friends and family to their phones in social situations where engaging conversation is much preferred, but I also get to watch as they flick open their digital Zippo, and we are all endlessly fixated on the flame’s dance.

And the iPad. Oh iPad. Where would we be without you? Probably on our laptops. But you made sure we wouldn’t be with your “magical” device. Magical. A description more fit for Disneyworld than a cutting-edge piece of technology, the iPad is living up to its description one purchase at a time. Three million idiots, erm, people have bought into an expensive piece of crap that is sure to see five more versions. Well done, Apple. You have again duped people worldwide into believing that your devices are not only magical, but they are the second coming.

Oh and your press team disgusts me. Never use the same descriptor word three times in one release. Knock them upside the head with a thesaurus. Nobody questioned why your press team described a piece of scrap metal that can process crossword puzzles magical? Well, I am. My mom works 12-hour shifts 5 days a week just so she can listen to a shitty transistor radio on her day off in the backyard. Now that’s pretty fucking magical.  

http://www.apple.com/pr/library/2010/06/22ipad.html

What are ya sayin'?

I watched Fargo last night. Great movie, by the way, but not the point of this post. Language is endlessly fascinating to me, and I noticed the Coen brothers did something great in this movie. They played with the North Dakotan/Minnesotan accent and exaggerated it to the point of hilarity. All the characters spoke with an accent, which was some sort of strange Chicago/Northern City and Canadian hybrid. But it was so over-pronounced, presumably to poke fun of the way people “up north” pronounce their vowels.

It got me thinking about different speaking patterns, and also made me reminisce about the time somebody told my mom she sounded like she belonged in the movie Fargo, along with reminding me of Sarah Palin’s annoying and all-to-common phrase on the campaign trail: “You betcha!”

Apparently those with an accent similar to the one portrayed in Fargo reside along the Great Lakes chain, starting in Buffalo, New York, stretching to Cincinnati, Chicago, and even as southwest as St. Louis. Nobody really knows why our accent has formed the way it has, but some linguists hypothesize that it may have come to be in the 18^th century, gaining widespread usage in the 1950s.

A really interesting interview to listen to if you have time can be found here:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5220090

A linguist from University of Pennsylvania describes the Northern vowel shift pattern and demonstrates it verbally. It’s really interesting to hear how different we pronounce our vowels (they call it “up” because instead of pronouncing short vowels like “a” in “cat” with a low tongue, we pronounce it with our tongue “up,” so it sounds almost like a long vowel) compared to places like New York City or Boston.

Give it a listen if you have time.

For some reason, the last few days, I’ve had this total antsy feeling of being excited about things. Instead of totally droning on everything, I’m super stoked about stuff. Good things are coming. I feel compelled to make a list of things that have been going well, awesome stuff I fill my days with:

Looking into big changes in the form of school, studying and possibly teaching.

Signing up to volunteer on the gulf coast. I’ve signed up for several organizations. If they need me, I’m so there, at least for a couple of weeks/months.

Travel opportunities.

Shows. Shows. Shows.

Music.

Writing the word.

Learning media, pushing to get Relationshipmates rolling along.

Super good movies, and now that I have Netflix, things have gotten much easier.

Just what I needed

Sometimes you just need a weekend of drunken debauchery, two consecutive 6 a.m. nights, huge hangovers, good friends (old and new) and great music/conversation to make going back to work Monday feel at least tolerable.

Into the Wild

I just finished the whole Into the Wild "series." Well to be honest, I only read about half the book. It got a little tedious with all the details of other travelers besides the one the book was about, Chris McCandless. But then, I rented the movie from Netflix (on my newly acquired free-trial) and watched it last night. It was so beautifully done. Of course it was a little Hollywood, but I enjoyed it so much. I think I cried during half of it. Not because it was sad to me, but because I felt so much respect and admiration for Chris and his life.

I would never go to the lengths he did to prove any point about living "in the wild," mostly because he had a lot of family issues to sort out and I don't. I do think  that a lot of his aspirations and sentiments about life carry a lot of resonance. People should learn from his "experiment' about how to treat others, and how, if in life you really want something, all you have to do is reach out and grab it. Also, instead of talking down to one another, trying to have control over people and be cruel to them so often, we should realize, like he said, that happiness doesn't come from human relationships, but it's all around us: everywhere.

It's been an enormous source of inspiration for me. Not only do I idolize many of the authors McCandless identifies with, but I have always been more free-thinking and have had a love for nature. I am endlessly fascinated with many of the revelations he had when in the wild. I love the stories of the people's lives he touched, and above all, I admire his determination to devote himself to a life of truth and honesty.

I sure hope that I am able to take with me some valuable lessons from Chris McCandless' life. He will live on to be an inspiration for many, I'm sure.

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greather joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." -Chris McCandless aka Alex Supertramp

These will always be the most beautiful quotes I've ever read

A written word is the choicest of relics. It is something at once more intimate with us and more universal than any other work of art. It is the work of art nearest to life itself. It may be translated into every language, and not only be read but actually breathed from all human lips; - not be represented on canvas or in marble only, but be carved out of the breath of life itself H.D. Thoreau




This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or... unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body... - Walt Whitman

One year gone

Today marks exactly one year since I graduated college, and what a year it's been. I remember after graduating feeling a little apprehensive and nervous about what the future was going to hold, but I don't think I could've predicted what happened this past year actually would. It's been a strange, hard but gratifying ride. Very bittersweet.

I think this past year has made me a little nervous about what's to come in the future. Everything I've been through has had its ups and downs and I worry that future will be filled with downs I can't handle. But I know I can and I'll have to. And the ups will hopefully be just as good as they've been this past year.

Sometimes I find myself longing to be back in college. I miss being on my own. I miss learning and I miss going to class. I miss being in love. I miss partying. I miss only having obligations 3 days a week. Sometimes I miss these things so much that it clouds my current vision and impedes my happiness.

At the same time, I'm very proud of the place I am at. I've had so much fun this past year and I've been working and advancing myself. I've been able to save money. I wrote freelance. I landed my first job (a full-time career!) after graduation. I've been able to spend a lot of time with my family. I've maintained friendships that are very close to me and have gotten closer with some amazing people. I've done a damn good job of being me, but it came out of a lot of hard times, as well.

As far as I'm concerned, the "real" world is rough. It's hard because it's unpredictable. But you always have to get up, dust yourself off and look forward to the future. Without the ability to do that, what else do we have?

I'm glad, despite everything, the past year went the way it did. And I'm looking forward to another year ahead.

Today was a good day because

I pulled up my summer clothes from the basement, and everything fit loose :)

And I got sunburnt today.

Life is good.

I felt free

Today is Monday, and for the first time in months, not the worst day of my week, or my life in general. I'm still experience post-vacation euphoria, and I'm not ashamed. I feel so great for the first time in probably half a year. I hope the good feelings last. I really do, because I don't want to go back to that old place. That old place was dark and scary and ruined me for a long time. And I want to feel good, and laugh, and not dread my life, and not feel weird about who I am and what I like because there are others like me and they like me and I like them. Fuck it they love me and I love them. And we're so fucking funny it's unbelievable. And I don't think I could've laughed at or made another joke. Or ate better food. Or listened to better music. Or saw more awesome wild turkeys.

For the first time since I was dumped I felt genuinely happy. Not fake happy. Not half-listening. Not waiting for the night to be over so I could go home and cry, not miserable. Not worried. Happy.

That's all anyone needs to know.

Great NEW

Web sites I've found (or have been recommended)

Stumbleupon.com - you create a user name / password, then check a bunch of boxes that are your interest and click "Stumble!" You are routed to web sites, pictures, blogs, videos and other random things associated with your interests. For example, I stumbled across this fine photo which is now the background on my computer. Well actually I didn't save it, but trust me when I say it's an awesome picture of Bill Murray constructing a doll house full of Gophers. Some weird, but seriously awesome shit. I also have a list of free documentaries bookmarked.

1,000 Awesome Things - This web site is just truly...awesome. Kind of like Post Secret, and I love Post Secret.  The blog outlines awesome little things in life that make it worth living, from junk drawers, movies with friends in a cold basement and morning stretches to the trials and tribulations associated with hearbreak and death. A few posts definitely brought tears to my eyes. And some are so beyond true, it's scary. You don't even think about half this stuff while it's happening, but hindsight makes you realize how awesome little things like that can be. Check it out, for realz.

Dirpy - A youtube to MP3 converter. Awesome for songs that somehow only can be found on youtube, movie clips, or any other thing you wanna pump through your ears on your igadget.

That's all for now

Random

Work will be busy this week. But fun things are coming in the form of a concert and party this weekend.

Blue Sky Noise from Circa is officially released next week, but I was unexpectantly given a copy early. For this I'm grateful. My many assignments at work will be cranked out while this album's cranking through my ears.

Met up with Jen Runge on a walk today. Sometimes it's SO good to catch up with people :) I've missed her.

My friends starting playing the lottery. If they win big here's a list of things I want:

1. A tropical vacation, with them of course
2. Party pontoon
3. Free beer for life
4. My own media company
5. A rockstar husband
6. A private island, like Leo
7. For all of us to have a damn good life

It goes without saying that if I won the lottery, they'd get the same things in return.

love. circa. survive.

Sadly, I walk around this place on the shells of eggs

My shoulders are cold
I put it off for so long, I put it off
and know I’ve got to live with what I made
forever

What was stolen from us
now is forever lost
just because we’ll never pay the ransom
What was taken from me
I will never regain just because
We’ll never pay the ransom

I’ll become like the desert wind
and I’ll drink all the gin
Shriveled up under desert lights
eaten up in the night
I can’t keep this up much longer without
needing more from you
I need more



Wasted with the rhythm
angry at the melody
How did you stay so sweet?
Cause you were my ally once
You were my confidante
i need somebody close
to be close to
forever


What was stolen from us
now is forever lost
just because we’ll never pay the ransom
What was taken from me
I will never regain
just because we’ll never pay the ransom
just because we’ll never pay the ransom

Happy Easter !

Easter's always a good time. It means summer not far behind and then we can collectively stop bitching about the cold weather. I guess we'll just have to complain about how hot it is.

Good things have been happening. I've been settling in at work and have started to feel a little more important, like I can contribute. They will be asking me soon, I'm sure if I'd like to stay there. I'll tell them yeah. I would like to. It's good to make money and save until I move out into the infinite abyss. Sometimes there are days when the last thing I want to do is work. But I drag my butt there anyway and learn tons of things. It's good for me, even if I can't see that now.

Plus, Vegas is coming up. I will be paying for the entire vacation on my own (unfortunately my tax refund will be mere pennies compared to what I thought it would be, so it will all have to come from my bank account). I get so excited thinking about it. Me and my friends are gonna tear it up, to say the least.

I also want to visit my sister Melissa around labor day for a long weekend. I really have my heart set on going to Harry Potter world, and I'll get to check out the keys where she lives, finally.

Mine and Erica's blog has been coming along nicely! We've received a lot of positive feedback and encouragement. I'm glad people are reading. Even if they weren't, I don't care because it's something me and Erica really look forward to working on. A hobby, I guess you'd say. But we're proud of it, so make sure to check it out!

Lots-o-fun things coming up soon. Piano bar, hanging w/ Matt and Stacy, helping them move, a concert, ST.LOUIS! for a going away party with Erica, Dan and hopefully Katie and Mello (should be so much hilarity) and other things. Really super excited for the nice weather and possible beach trips, outdoorsy type things, a new bike and my first three day weekend (memorial day).

Well that's all for now. I'll keep postin' when I get the chace.

Also, stumbleupon.com is great. Found some really cool stuff. Check it out.

For all you need to know about love and life

Please follow and participate on mine and Erica's relationship blog. We'd love to field your questions (it's all for fun, really!) and have you read up on our views of love. So don't be shy, and um..add this to your bookmarks!!


http://relationshipmates.blogspot.com/

Wow moment of the day.

Eryka Badu's music video

Click above to watch.

This video suprisingly moved me. I thought it was tasteful and well-done. I like that there are still artists that put themselves on the line for the sake of their art. I'm tired of people using computers to alter their voices, surgery to alter their bodies. Although I'm not black and I don't suffer from the plight they often suffer, I think Eryka Badu's message here is beyond being a black woman in society. I think it's about any thing we consider different and scrutinize. Even though it may be different to you, it's beautiful in its own way. Someone horrible commented on this video saying that she gained a ton of weight and got fat and should keep her clothes on. Someone said she did this in a shoot in Texas near where Kennedy was shot in full view of real passer-bys and children, and those parents should sue the shit out of her. I hope when I grow up my heart doesn't die. I think I'll always respect art that's tastfully done. It's not like she was shaking booty on a tricked out car, poppin' champaign on herself. I hope I can teach my children the value of the arts and the value of having an open mind to others' expression, rather than teaching them to be afraid of everything, especially of what's different.

Take a look if you're interested.

25 Things I want to do before I turn 25

1. Quit smoking
2. Purchase a new car
3. Have a steady, full-time job
4. Fall in love
5. Finally lose that extra weight
6. Feel confident being self-sufficient
7. Quit worrying about money so much
8. Become a better listener
9. Entertain at home more
10. Learn to cook a few signature dishes
11. Take care of my appearence better
12. Go on at least 3 or 4 vacations
13. Quit dreading and start embracing a career
14. Find out what I'm really good at
15. Move out
16. Develop my own grown-up persona
17. Make new friends, grow closer with current ones
18. Visit my sister in Vermont
19. Give up on trying to get a tan
20. Buy a vinyl record player
21. Quit feeling bad about things I figuratively and literally lack
22. Develop as a writer
23. Spend more time in the city
24. Learn as much as I can about my family and relatives
25. Ask lots of questions..learn, learn, learn

Hard, Harder, Hardest

Times have been tough lately. But I feel myself starting to really deal with my feelings. I feel myself healing, and that's important. Sometimes I catch myself feeling really angsty and aggitated, pissed off or sad. But those emotions come and go much quicker than before and I can move on with my day. I just can't wait til those feelings become a memory rather than raw emotion. I'm tired of letting those feelings take over precious moments in my day. I can't wait til they wear off for good and I can find peace in my heart over what has happened to me.

I feel like things have been hard for a lot of people lately. Stress, heartache, just getting by. But I'm staying hopeful that things will pick up and we could all be happy again. Life is a strange ebb and flow that I don't understand. I just wanna be in a different position right now, and I know a lot of people who do. I wonder though, if once we achieve that position, we will feel any better, or if we will long for other times? It's a strange thing to wonder.

I hope work goes well next week. I'm nervous because Mark, the head copywriter is going to be on vacation all week, so I have to step up my game. Everyone will be helping me, of course, but I want to prove myself this week that I could be responsible and a team player and step up when need be.

Last night I got to thinking about family and growing up. I was driving around with my friends, just talking and we always talk about the funiest stuff. We talk about things we did when we were little, things about our family, our favorite movies and songs. When I got home I just stood upstairs and listened to my mom and dad. They were just watching a concert on t.v. talking about their days. They didn't hear me come in. I just listened to what they talked about and listened to the concert as well. I felt so happy to have them as my parents. They really do enjoy each other's company, no matter how many fights they get into. I guess lately I've just been longing for companionship, and it's nice to see it around you, even if you don't have it. I know it will come. Right now is not the time though, and I've slowly been accepting that.

I just want to thank my friends and family for how much they love me. I would not be able to do anything without them. They have been so supportive and such great company. <3

And so

Today I went to the mall, as I sometimes do on my lunch break, and I bought 2 green shirts for the St. Patrick’s Oak Forest day-long celebration on Saturday (can’t wait, by the way!). After that, I went to the food court, hung my bag on my chair and ate. I left the mall after my hour break only to realize I had left my bag there, so I ran back as quick as I could. Luckily my bag was still hanging on the chair where I left it. But what startled me more is that the same couple I had seen earlier was still there enjoying their meal together. I noticed them when I was first in the food court, eating their Steak and Potato Co. sandwiches, and I thought it was endearing how the husband carried her food, gave it to her, etc. Once I left the mall and returned back to my own life, they were forgotten. A one-time memory, probably insignificant, etched in mind, then forgotten about. And when I saw them again, I almost forgot that they had even existed.

Is this what happens to people when they are no longer in your life? Out of sight, out of mind? I guess it depends on how important that person is to you. Surely I forgot this couple quickly…I hadn’t met them, spoken to them, learned of their hopes, dreams, listened to their life accomplishments, heard their stories of travel, learned their grandchildren’s names. But how do you forget about someone who has left a profound, long-lasting, recurring imprint on you? How do you forget them? You cannot will yourself to forget. You’ll never forget. They’re memory will linger with you as long as you live. Time may make it easier to live with that memory, but it will always be with you. In time you’ll forget raw emotion and simply remember a ghostly version of that person. Sometimes I wish life was quicker, time passed faster, things were resolved sooner. It’s hard to carry around the weight of the unfinished.

An elusive second chance

I often enjoy listening to music and picturing the song as the backdrop of a scene in a movie of my life. Now playing: "The Way you Look Tonight" by John Coltrane, featuring Thelonius Monk. I picture myself on Michigan Avenue, wintertime, browsing the Christmas-themed windows of what used to be Marshall Fields. I hope it's not Christmas Story themed again this year. Or I see myself as Michelle Pfeifer in One Fine Day, running around with kids, flirting with a whimsical, younger George Clooney. Life's good, it's fun. I'm running late, there's a shortage of taxis, but damn it, in this moment, I'm Michelle Pfeifer, and life in the Big Apple's jazzy.

Crackerbarrel is awesome. Me and Katie went there for breakfast (lunch for me, because I ALWAYS get lunch when going out to breakfast) this morning, and it was the most fun I've had in a while. I felt like I was on vacation. We browsed the gift shop, and they have tons of cool stuff there including vintage candy, weird john deere stuff, burt's bees, candles, toys, pancak mix..everything! I only ended up buying a glass bottle of coke.

(Just heard my dad call my mom "baby." Endearing and cute!)

Yesterday I saw Alice in Wonderland. I really enjoyed it. I went with my little brother and sisters, and they liked it, but said it was "weird." It was "Tim Burton" to me. I really liked the overall message that was basically be yourself, follow your heart, and don't listen to what anyone else thinks. I also like the visuals, especially Cheshire cat, the smoking catepillar, and The Mad Hatter. Queen of Hearts and Anne Hathaway were funny, too. Overall, I'd say it was worth seeing. Not sure the fight scene in the end was completely necessary, but I think it wrapped the film up well.

Katie and I helped her sister, her matron of honor and her mom put together invitations for her sister's wedding. It was a great time. We had some dip, pizzas, chocolate wine (tastes like chocolate martini), kaluhua, etc. It was nice to have "girl talk."

That's all. Another week of work awaits me. I'll spend the rest of the weekend relaxing, reading and watching the Oscars.

Weird

So last night, as I was flipping through the channels instead of journaling, a weird movie I had never seen or heard of before caught my eye, and it was the first movie in a long time that left me shocked. You may or may not have seen Leaving Las Vegas with Nic Cage, but damn. I advise that you do, and quick. It's weird, but I felt like I was almost able to relate to the girl in the movie. If you haven't seen it yet (came out in 1995 or something) do it. It will make your life look like a walk in the park. Nic Cage actually won the Academy Award for it. Upon further research I discovered that he got loaded for 2 weeks in Dublin, Ireland and had a friend video tape him so he could watch the footage later and study his speaking patterns and mannerisms. Later he admitted it was the funnest research he'd ever done.

I think Ebert's right about Cage. He said that he gets a bad rap, but he considers Cage an acting great, right up there with Dinero, Pacino, Nicholson. Although he does a wide range of movies that sometimes get bad reviews, he never looks the camera in the eye and winks, no matter how unbelievable the character is he's playing. He fully believes in every role he plays. I like that. I harvested a new respect for Nic Cage on a Thursday night. Go figure.

Today I went to family fun night and won some candy and looked around at the old kerkstra/ new hille. It was fun. David actually won a cake in the cake walk. Tomorrow is Alice in Wonderland! Smoking catepillar here I come.

I'm my sister's confirmation sponsor in 2 weeks, and I'm thinking of getting her a little gift. Any ideas?

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland is rated PG because of:

scarys situations, scary images, fantasy action, violence and a smoking catepillar

I love that.

Vacation

Recently (today mostly), I've been trying to help my parents book a vacation. As much as booking vacations online is supposed to be convenient, it's actually very hard. They really don't know where exactly they want to go (Bahamas, California, Mexico?) or if they want to go on a cruise or an all-inclusive resort. Searching on google gives you a million different options. All of the all-inclusive vacation packages all look nicer than the next, making it impossible to make a decision. Plus there's the budget constraint as well. I guess they mostly just need to figure out an exact budget and stick to it, and narrow it down between a cruise or an all-inclusive resort. Man, maybe they should just get a travel agent. It's hard to figure out where to travel internationally, especially when your shelling out thousands.

The bad news is, while they are on this all-inclusive tropical vacation, I will be unable to attend. But I'll be on my own vacation in Vegas! I'm very excited for this trip, and it's basically all I've been able to look forward to. I'm actually thinking that if I won't be going to work that thursday, I almost wish we could travel Wednesday night and get there early. But really, I think we will have plenty of time in Vegas. I just wanna fly away and be on vacation...

Last night I went to Bubba Gump with all my friends at Navy Pier. There were some good laughs had, mainly when Katie C had dialogue with her crab claws. I got a burger, since I typically don't like seafood, but I did try some crab legs dipped in butter and it was actually really good! It's an expensive habit to get into, though, so I may steer clear. I guess I was just suprised at how non-fishy and buttery-delicious they were. I had 2 tall beers, which was awesome because I haven't gotten a buzz in some time, but that made me fall asleep on the ride home, and I found myself in bed at 11 p.m.

Tonight I'll be going to Woodridge to visit my college roomate Lo. I haven't seen her in ages it feels like. It'll be nice to catch up.

Wednesday I won a free facial for me and five friends from the Mary Kay lady that I met at the pizza-tasting fundraiser. And I won $25 of free products, which in reality may only be like one face cream, but hey, as my dad would say, "Can't beat free."

'Tis all for now. I need to make headway on my Shutter Island book.

I've been filling my life with good people and good times. When I get to feeling lonely, or I feel the stress of my real-world job, filled with deadlines and office politics, I really look forward to the time I get to spend with others.

Last weekend was good. I got to see Matt and Stacy, which I always enjoy. Last week me and the girls went to the Redhead Piano Bar in the city. I've been spending a lot of time with Mello, Katie, and Erica, and I really like that. They make me laugh really hard and I enjoy their company! Me and Katie also watched Forrest Gump on Sunday for old time's sake.

Tonight I went with them to a pizza-tasting/charity event at CD&Me. We got to try pizza from 8 or so different pizza places. The giardinera pizza and bbq chicken pizza with pineapple was my favorite. It was nice to get out and, as Erica put it, "do all these new fun things." Plus her husband Dan got to come too, and that was nice :-)

The rest of the week I might just relax until the weekend. We're talking about going to Bubba Gump on Friday in the city in honor of Can't get enough Gump week or whatever it's called on AMC. That would be cool since I've never been there, but I don't like seafood. It will still be fun.

I'm going to go out and visit Lo this weekend too. I haven't seen her in ages, and I think we'll go out Saturday and I'll spend the night over there. It's been too long.

My recent life changes have been hard. Sometimes I don't think I can carry on, and some days I feel great. But things will get easier, and I think good things are coming my way.

<3

I'm bummed :-( I wish certain things didn't turn out the way they did. Where do we go from here?

"The aim of every artist is to arrest motion, which is life, by artificial means and hold it fixed, so that a hundred years later, when a stranger looks at it, it moves again since it is life."-William Faulkner

Love this

I love Fleetwood Mac, and I love Stevie Nicks. She's incredible, and so is this song:

http://www.asklyrics.com/display/fleetwood-mac/dreams-lyrics.htm

This song has meant a lot to me lately. Even though I know things that happened are out of our hands, for the most part, it still resonates with me.

Last night saw Shutter Island, and it was incredible...I can't wait to pick up the book today. I think it will be an awesome read! I can't seem to finish the book I started, My Lobotomy, but I'm almost done with it. I have a problem finishing books for some reason.

Today I will donate some clothes to Goodwill. Then I plan on making a nice appetizer for Stacy's house tonight. It feels good to give.

Here's some eye candy. I love Leonardo DiCaprio. Not only is he goodlooking, but he's also an excellent actor! Had a great time watching that movie last night.

The good news is that Forrest Gump week starts Sunday on AMC. Life is good!

Remember the time we built a fort and hid from the world?


For the sappy-hearted like me, go to Postsecret.com and watch the Valentine's Day Video. If you're anything like me, you'll get misty-eyed from this video.

Movies to watch

Man on Wire
World's Greatest Dad